The Republican Reality Show
I must confess I could hardly wait
to witness every Republican presidential debate
On my best behaviour and trying not to cry
I listened to the candidates tell lie after lie.
Michele Bachmann says scientists who had the Nobel Prize
their belief in intelligent design do not disguise.
When asked to tell us what they are called
she says those doubting her should be black-balled.
Were voters surprised when she gave them the news
that Obama and Congress members have anti-American views.
Or did her followers become depressed
when they learned that with light bulbs she has become obsessed?
Ron Paul agrees that to vote everyone should have the right
and now says it does not matter to him if they are black or white.
Income tax he declares he would abolish
and the Federal Reserve demolish.
Some fault Ben Bernanke for his handling of the country’s debt
but do not agree he’s Ron Paul’s evil threat.
When replying to New Gingrich’s critique.
Ron claimed among the Republican hopefuls he is unique
Described as resembling a granddad who eats his barley
Ron looks more like the ghost of Marley.
He’d do well to seek a different brand
and forget the teachings of debunked Ayn Rand.
Rick Perry from Texas was at first by many acclaimed
when his plan to get rid of government departments he proclaimed.
But his most fervent supporters thought he was breathing thin air
when he could not remember which ones they were.
Of the death penalty Rick is the world’s biggest fan
and killing the mentally retarded he refuses to ban.
So far he has managed to execute 234 in his state
of whom some might have been guilty when they went to their fate.
Because he now insists the pro-life policy he will defend
it is obvious that Rick is indeed round the bend.
Victims of rape or of incest in Texas will not have a voice
and to decide what to do will be given no choice.
Jon Huntsman seems to be quite sensible
making him to many Republicans reprehensible.
There is no doubt the nomination he will be refused
because of being a moderate he has been accused.
Serving as Obama’s ambassador to China is another drawback
that makes him the target of his party’s malevolent flack.
It is proof, if any were needed, that he’s just a jerk
who with another party is able to work.
Rick Santorum has expressed some off-the-wall views
making him a worthy contributor to Fox News.
As “the next George Washington” he was described by Glenn Beck
whose praise anyone’s election chances will wreck.
To evolution he does not take kindly
and the intelligent designers follows blindly.
That he is also lauded by Limbaugh, known as Rush,
should any hopes he may have down the toilet flush.
One thing at which Santorum is extraordinarily deft
in making the Tea Party seem so far left.
Word has it he has asked his handlers whether
as president he could privatize the weather.
Mitt Romney continues with his flops and his flips
and staunchly defends his record with pink slips.
In Massachusetts he bragged of the health scheme he devised
and now says Obama’s similar plan is most ill advised.
In France as a missionary he preached a message divine
but failed to persuade the inhabitants to stop drinking wine.
He´s at the top of the polls then drops to third place
and bobs up once again to be first in the race.
A nasty rumour about him is now being spread
with some saying he´s not human but a robot instead.
Still, he might be the one to fill the Republican void
if only he didn’t look as if he’s made of celluloid.
Phil Linehan is an author, writer and poet. Visit Phil's blog: www.philitics.com
Newt Gingrich as a candidate can hardly be serious
as he rants and raves in a manner delirious.
He’s clearly making a very poor joke
when he says he’s a family values bloke.
Nobody has yet persuaded him to say
what high-priced advice he gave Freddie Mac and Fannie Mae.
He proves he’s no believer in Santa Claus
as he plans to get rid of child labour laws
Instead of practising writing and learning math rules
they’d be put to work cleaning their schools.
And while Newt and Callista sipped their fine wine
12-year old kids would be digging in a coal mine.
Would those few who to Newt continue to pander
want to see the White House occupied by a puffed-up salamander?
A suggestion for him is that to Callista he propose
she sue the quack who shaped her nose.
So, as we watch the continuing Republican drama
can we assume the candidates were chosen by Obama?
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